Updated: Jul 27, 2020
"Why can’t I stop overthinking and make a decision?"
I was asked the above question from a beloved client of mine, as I started to write out my response, half way through I decided this info may help many, so am posting it here.
If you read all the way through there are some helpful crystal suggestions at the end!
To stop overthinking we must stop time travelling, revisiting the past and thinking about possible future outcomes.
When we vividly imagine the future we are setting our intentions to the universe and that is more likely to materialise and come true. So if you must think about the future and you catch yourself playing out a negative scenario in your head, change it to a positive one.
To be more in the present moment we need to be grounded.
Some basic grounding techniques are; having enough sleep (I know really hard) making sure you have eaten enough grounding foods, any meat, nuts or root veg are good for grounding, (sorry vegans), red foods are also good to help balance the root chakra, e.g strawberries, tomatoes etc. Walking barefoot on the earth. deep breathing, and getting in touch with your senses.
So if you’re feeling spaced out, start by playing eye spy with yourself, look around wherever you are, and notice what you can hear, see and smell, and really focus on it for a few moments, and nothing else, this in itself is a form of meditation. Often a suggested practice when walking in nature.
You can do this when you are washing up, stop thinking about life stuff and daily occurrences when you are washing up and just focus on how the water feels, what the liquid smells like, be in the moment washing up feeling each utensil and noticing things about it as you go, not new things just ‘I acknowledge this fork is silver and smooth’. Basically thinking like a baby or small child, babies aren’t worried about bills or how anyone else views them they just are. When they are happy they are happy and when they are sad they are sad, they are unapologetic about it and give themselves permission to do so. we all come into this world like that, and although it is natural human development to begin to develop more compassionate awareness, it is external programming that often leads to anxieties, sometimes it's good to rekindle that simple and pure outlook babies have when we are ungrounded.
Take a moment to check in with your body, really feel and listen to it. Which parts of the body feel good, or have tension, don’t worry about the why, just listen and acknowledge, and then act on it accordingly.
As for not wanting to make the wrong decision, this is a self worth and self esteem issue at its core.
'Spiritually' we can balance and strengthen your solar plexus, but an important part of maintaining that is to come to a self realisation of why.
Just keep asking yourself ‘but why though’?
When someone overthinks they are worried about getting it wrong, why?
Why do you not trust yourself to make the right decision? You are worthy and your choices are yours, and valid.
Are you holding on to guilt About a past mistake?
If so work on releasing that guilt and forgiving yourself, past is past, send gratitude towards the situation, and to yourself for making a decision no matter what the negative repercussions were, you must have learnt something and got through it, be proud of yourself!
Are you scared of repeating a mistake? Do you go through possible outcomes in your head? If so, acknowledge that you are doing this and think back to my initial point about time travelling, if you want something to work out for the best start imagining it that way and that way only. Ask yourself what evidence you have that this could or would be true. Ask yourself why you have resistance to making a decision, if it boils down to I want to make the 1st decision because I feel it would benefit those around me but really decision 2 is where my heart calls and my gut wants to go…then think about why your ignoring your own desires?
No matter how small of a decision it is, if you have a deep down niggle or nag keeping you from feeling 100% confident in a decision it is likely you are not listening to your inner voice, higher self or intuition because you are not valuing yourself enough.
If your decision is out of pure perfectionism, not wanting to get it wrong, this is still a self esteem issue.
We are all humans and making mistakes helps us grow, and sometimes there really are no right or wrong decisions to make, just choices all with a mixed set of repercussions.
Someone with a strong sense of self does not worry about what others might think of them for making their own life choices. And they definitely do not base decisions after comparing themselves to others.
Is there a past mistake that sticks out in your head that somebody in your life always brings up to you in conversation? If so, is that person doing harm to you emotionally by doing so? Talk to them about it, tell them that it makes you feel a certain way, and stops you from feeling at peace with the past.
Sometimes when people really dig deep and think about this one, there are often things as way back as childhood, and in those situations occasionally the people involved in the situation are deceased. This means it is even more important to practice ‘forgiveness’, as you will never get ‘answers’ or ‘apologies’ from that person.
A theoretical example; a Grandparent that always told you to go to college instead of get a job etc.
The best thing you can do is release yourself from the guilt of making different life choices. Say you didn’t listen to this advice, you got a job, and in hindsight you wish you would have gone to college, and that grandparent made sure every time they saw you they would remind you about the decision you made to not go.
This is very unhelpful.
Firstly acknowledge the fact that life could have turned out just as unsatisfactory if you had chosen to go to college, making a decision like that does not mean a thousand steps you took after the would = a better life. instead of letting this take a toll on your self esteem by thinking; your not good enough, you were wrong, you didn’t amount to anything, you did not gain your grandparents approval, you let people down etc.
Try reframing this thought pattern into a more honest one; that grandparent was probably coming from a place of love, just wanting the best opportunities in life for you, there was no guarantee the desired outcome would have manifested from this one decision. There would have been other negative side effects of this decision as well, perhaps you would never have met certain people, perhaps you wouldn’t have gone on certain trips etc. Trust that the universe has divinely guided you this way for a reason,and accept what is.
Realise that you have the power to change any situation you are in at present, no past decision’s stop you from taking action in the present, and that it is ok to completely 100% own your decisions. They are yours to make and take. You are not on earth to live out someone else’s life. And in this example situation the grandparent was more than likely trying to rectify their own desires and regrets by projecting them on to you. They wish that they would have gone to college, or had the opportunity to) Their guilt and disappointment is not yours to take on, disconnect from their story.
Lastly set your boundaries. Know what Makes you feel uncomfortable, stressed or unhappy.
In some cases a little stress is healthy, being uncomfortable can help you thrive, grow, learn and teach compromise. However in most cases, especially in relationships when you feel uncomfortable a boundary has been crossed.
Some people have such little regard for themselves they have never thought about this. If you are one of those people, you're probably a people pleaser, a perfect example of a personality trait that comes with 0 boundaries. These people often get taken advantage of and hurt.
Life is never perfect and in a lot of situations we will probably have to do things we would rather not to gain things we do want. But Social relationships do not have to be a part of that if we chose them to not be. It is always a choice, and that goes for all the people trying to climb career and social ladders too, it’s their choice to take shit from a boss or go to boring events.
Figure out what your personal boundaries are. And be aware of them. Give yourself permission to create them and to exercise them without fear or guilt. This means not worrying about other people's response, not doubting your decisions.
In any form of relationship it is a good idea to state your boundaries clearly, verbally, literally.
Sometimes people have boundaries in their head, and get upset when others cross them, but they neither declared them, or gave warning to the other person when they started to feel uncomfortable. People aren’t mind readers. Let’s be fair to them. Understandably if you have low self esteem in the first place it is hard work gaining the courage to tell people your boundaries initially, but remember you are worthy, and boundaries ultimately lead to healthier relationships.
Stick to them, if you have stated your boundaries to a person who continually crosses them, disengage with that person until they respect your boundaries.
Start small with things that don’t seem overwhelming, e.g. say no to doing a favour for someone when you already had plans.
If you let your boundaries get trampled on all the time, you are only telling yourself that you are not worthy, you begin to trust yourself less, maybe feel disappointed in yourself for not following through. This can also lead to feeling a lot of resentment for others and for yourself.
Setting and sticking to boundaries helps you feel more in control and ultimately helps your self esteem, leading to you being able to make decisions with ease, and with 0 guilt or 2nd guessing of yourself.
Overview: To stop overthinking and become more decisive -
- Ground yourself
- Be present - stop time travelling
- Release guilt and fear
- Build up your self esteem - trust yourself
- Be aware of others projectioning on to you
- Look back with gratitude - remember no one decision = a dream life
- practice making decisions based on your intuition
- Create, set, and stick to your boundaries - disengage with those that cross them
- know that no decision will ever lead to you being stuck forever
( I mean maybe not extreme cases like murdering someone may lead you to being in prison forever, but taking that job does not mean you can't quit later)
If you are feeling really brave try making decisions before you are 'ready'. If you generally take ages to decide on something, force yourself to speed up, the more you do it the more confident you will become in decision making. E.g. What takeaway should I order from? Just pick one, flip a coin, if it was crap oh well you’ve lived through the worst that could happen. Don’t put off painting the room because you can't decide on a colour, do it, you can repaint it later if you change your mind. And most importantly don’t wait until all your ducks in a row. If you want something, start living it out now, if you want to start a blog, don’t wait until you have got an English degree. Start now, learn, grow, improve.
Visualise your highest self, and start showing up as that person now! Make the decision to embody that right now, and watch it manifest.
Crystals for building up personal power and growing self esteem:
Crystals for establishing and maintaining boundaries:
Crystals for grounding:
If you're interested in learning more about how to use crystals check out my workshops here.
If your interested in working with via one to one sessions please contact me at
I am also offering distance healing sessions at the moment.
Or join my free facebook group to get your questions answered here
I hope you gained some value from this post, if you did let me know your biggest 'take away' in the comments below.
Wishing you peace and happiness, crystal blessings, Namaste, Bianca x